.....twilight

So I've been miserably dwelling on a problem for the better part of 3 months now and it's done nothing but make me question whether or not i'm a bad person or more so a bad friend. I'm not gonna go into it unless you catch me sauced and then I will yell about it but let just say I have come to accept it. People are strange creatures. Some are genuinly nice and have other's best interests at heart when making decisions. Some are mean spirited and only out to serve themselves and some are a middle ground of the two. Nice and genuine on the outside but with a selfish underlying agenda. These people are not bad, but lets face facts, a humans basic instinct is survival of the fittest. And if highlander taught me anything there can only be one... So I've been doing some soul searching to see areas where I can better myself. I guess it's me getting older and hopefully more mature in my twilight years.....

So here it is, lets define TS. He is a fairly nice guy, gets a long with others, admittedly one of the funnier people in his circle, and a gossip is every sense of the word. Not that being a gossip is something to be proud of but I have been privy to a lot of information which for better or worse has put me in sticky situations. I know more about most people than I care to admit. Actually some of the things I know would literally destroy people. I wish I could wash all of that from my memory and just see people for who they present to the outside world, but no, I know people's true charachters and let me tell you....that sh*t is scary.

Am I perfect? Hell no, but with me you know exactly what you are getting. I haven't changed at all (again not something to be proud of). I am still the same Tom from Oakland Mills Middle School or Howard or College Park. The only changes are I have a nice TV, better shoes and a much better job. One thing that I don't do it judge people for being human. I am not ritcheous as I am the first to admit my flaws. Sure I judge people, again I am not perfect but people are victims of circumstance and therefore reactionary. Reacting to stimuli is a basic function of living organisms......so there's the rub.

My conclusions: the majority of my friends have a good time around me and vice versa. I am a loyal friend (question that, I dare you) and really am funny. And not HAHA funny, I am "you know black people really are different than white people," funny.

I go out of my way to provide social situations so that my circle has excuses to get together. I'm not asking for a cookie or recognition but honestly if I hear one more time "tell so and so that I said happy birthday" when you were invited to the birthday party but have other plans, I'm gonna burst. I don't want to be the center of attention and I'm not asking for forgiveness for anything I have done or was asked to do but seriously look at yourselves and if you can honestly say you are innocent of the same selfishness that I get labled with than damn I guess this failed experiment called friendship has come to an end.

If not then I'll see you at the beach.

-TS